Hootin' Anni's Day Trippin'

Halloween Humor


-edition #81

1] You know you're too old for trick 'r treating if:

When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and you can't remember the rest. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker. You ask for high fiber candy only. You get winded from knocking on the door.

2] When Trick 'r treating, avoid these houses:

Any house whose only entrance goes to the basement. Any house that growls "get out." Any house that wasn't there only a minute ago...

3] Trick 'r treating by your 'sign'--

Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door first. Taurus will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates. Gemini goes around the neighborhood once, changes costumes and goes around again. Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other trick-or-treaters. Leo plans their costume for months, then won't go out because someone else had the same idea. Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they're a bookkeeper. Libra is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on a costume. Scorpio isn't in it for the candy. Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next town. Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good candy and the optimal route to take. Aquarius builds their costume out of spare flashlights and spends all night tinkering when it shorts. Pisces skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon.

4] Pun on words: This guy goes to a Halloween party with a girl on his back. "What on earth are you?" asks the host. "I'm a snail," says the guy. "But... you have a girl on your back," replies the host. "Yeah, he says, "that's Michelle!"

5] If on Halloween, the appliances operate by themselves, LEAVE!!

6] Don't accept candy from the dead!

7] Stay OFF Elm Street!

8] If you completely forget it's Halloween:

Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.

9] What do you call a ghost's mother and father?

Transparents!

10] What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern
by it's diameter?

Pumpkin Pi.

11] Why can people near Beethoven's grave hear all his symphonies being played backwards?

Because Beethoven is decomposing!

12] Vampire's Bar

Three vampires walk into a bar.The waitress comes up to them and asks them what they'll have. The first vampire says, (Transylvanian accent inferred) "I'll have a glass of O Positive." The second vampire says, "I'll have a glass of AB Negative." The third vampire says, "I'm the designated driver. I'll just have a glass of plasma." The waitress turns toward the bartender and yells, "Gimme two bloods and one blood lite!"

13] A man is walking home alone late on Halloween night.
It's dark, and the streetlights are out. Suddenly, he hears

BUMP!

BUMP!

BUMP!

Behind him. He walks faster, but the sound keeps coming.

BUMP!

BUMP!

BUMP!

Worried he is being followed, he glances behind him and through the darkness, and he can just see an upright coffin.
No one seems to be holding the coffin; it's just bumping down the street behind him.
The man is scared. He's sure it's following him! In an effort to shake it off, her turns a corner. To his relief, the sound stops. He keeps walking but before a minute has passed, he hears the familiar sound behind him again:

BUMP!

BUMP!

BUMP!

He is terrified! He starts to run towards his home, but the faster he runs, the faster the coffin bounces along behind him!

Bumpity BUMP!

Bumpity BUMP!

Bumpity BUMP!

He pushes open his front gate, and runs up the path, fumbling for his keys. The coffin reaches the gate and effortlessly pushes it open. It's right behind him!!!
Finally his shaking hands manage to unlock his front door. He has no time to slam it behind him; the coffin is right on his heels! He rushes up the stairs, praying the coffin cannot climb after him.

BUMP!

BUMP!

BUMP!

The coffin pauses at the bottom of the stairs. The man breathes a sigh of relief but ...

clappity BUMP...

clappity BUMP...

clappity BUMP...

The coffin is now climbing the stairs behind him. He runs to the bathroom perhaps he can lock himself in there! His heart pounds and his lungs hurt with the exertion of running for his life! He has only just latched the bathroom door when ...

CRASH!!!

The coffin breaks through the bathroom door!

What can he do? The coffin is nearly upon him! He reaches out for something heavy that he can throw at the coffin, and his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of cough syrup.
Desperately, he throws the cough syrup as hard as he can at the coffin and...

...finally the coffin stops!!


~...end Thursday 13
[comment HERE to skip the Halloween Handouts]








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Friday is Halloween!!! Oh, yay I say!!!
The last of the treats'll be handed out,
and tho just another day, 'tis really quite so keen...
HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ALL! And to all a good day --I shout!

Here are the friends who will receive the Halloween treats from me today:

Kitten
Sandcastle Momma
Suzanne


...and here is the treat:



If you see your name above, click on the treat and it'll open in a new window, then click to save.


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I received this award Monday from Patricia!! It's awesome! Thank you. Thank you for thinking of me when you passed this on to your blog friends. It truly made me day!