Smack dab in the middle of Texas!!!

In case you're interested, this is Texan Talk...
Toad choker – this is also referred to as a frog strangler or a turd floater, and means a heavy torrential downpour. Since most of Texas is pretty flat, heavy rains pose a true flash flooding hazard as well as lots of issues with closed roads.

Greeze and Earl – despite what you might think, these are actually components to your car. Greeze, otherwise known as grease, and earl or oil, often cause stains on your hands or clothes. These stains are considered to be greezy, and are really problematic in hot weather. Of course you also have to constantly keep checking the pressure in your tiyures (tires) because the hot temperatures cause problems there as well.

Bowed up – when someone is really angry and is taking on an aggressive body stance, they are said to be all bowed up. Kids that are talking back to their parents will often be told not to get all bowed up or they will get a "whipping".

Jaw Jackin – just talking to hear yourself or talking smack to someone. Jaw jacking is often combined with getting bowed up.

Chunk – Ok, this one is really weird. If you are throwing something a short distance they say they are chunking it. Don't know why Texans don't say chucking it like the rest of the world but there ya go!

Tea – tea is always iced tea and is always sweet iced tea unless you specifically ask for unsweetened. If you have never had southern sweet tea you may want to try a small taste before ordering a whole glass. Let's just say it is sort of like drinking icing!

Not plum but pert near – this is a highly descriptive and phonetic way to say everything isn't exactly perfect but it is close enough to be workable. If someone asks you how you are doing you can always answer "fair to midlin", which is the equivalent of not plum but pert near!

Fix'in – this is the ultimate in Texan speak. Fix'in, which is not said fixing but is sometimes pronounced as "fiddin", is a way to indicate that at some yet to be determined time some action is going to be taken. An example of this would be "I'm fix'in to go to the store". Notice this doesn't indicate when, and can be also used to indicate you are thinking about the possibility doing something sometime.

"You can put your boots in the oven but that doesn't make them biscuits"
(You can say whatever you want about something but that doesn't change what it is)

"It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs"
(We could really use some rain)

"Everytime I stand up, my mind sits down."
(Unable to think clearly.)

Poor - examples:
I'm so broke, I can't pay attention.
I ate so many armadillos when I was young I still roll up into a ball when I hear a dog bark.

Immoral - example:
She's just naturally horizontal.

Happier than a two-peckered dog - meaning:
Really  Happy

Fixin to fetch a cold one -meaning:
act of grabbing a beer


[clipart images not mine...borrowed from Google Texan Clipart Search]