“A wise old owl lived in an oak;
The more he saw the less he spoke;
The less he spoke the more he heard...
Why can't we all be like that bird?”
― Edward Hersey Richards




my POETRY | ANNI'S BOOK CRITIQUES | my ART | my BIRD photography | MLB | NFL | hurricanes







~THURSDAY 13
[some PG13 language follows]


Okay, so I'm sitting by the front room window the other day and watched the letter carrier drop off our mail in the mailbox. I decide to saunter out in the fog and pick it up. I bring it in and looking through I saw another envelope from the hospital I was admitted to for surgery back in September! Oh, oh! I thought sure enough it was another statement telling us we owe MORE! But no, it wasn't. Thank gawd! It was a survey for me to fill out on the performance of the surgeons [like I would really KNOW --good grief they had me floating around with vallium in me!! How can I remember much of anything. All I remember is how good I felt!]

Okay, so I open the form. Read the form letter....no wait, I can't read much of it! It's all in Spanish. Now if you know the area, Corpus Christi is probably 60 per cent Mexican American cultures. You really most likely should know how to speak Spanish. Or understand it. I can...well, let's say I could! Way back a long time ago. I have two Spanish American sisters in law. I quickly learned Spanish back in my youth. But rarely do I find the need to speak it or read it any more.

Except for the other day!

Allllllllllllll righty then. My Thirteen is deciphering some of this Spanish for us 'Americans'.
And there is no offense to be taken, this is all in fun---------

1] The form letter salutation:
"Estimada --my name"
I really 'estimate' the meaning ---"Dear --my name"

---so far so good.

Okay, the letter goes on and on ---'yada, yada, yada'.......

Let's get to the fun part; the survey!

2] "El Servicio que rechibio ---"
"What kind of service did you have?---"
    a) Ginecologia -Ummmm, no, I don't think so. I only drink GIN GinGERALE"
    b) Gastrointestinal --hey, that's the same in Spanish as in English?!!!! Cool.
    c) Dermatologia - anything with ologia in it can't be that good no matter what language!
    d) Urologia - more ologias!!
    e) Cardiologia --Hey, I know this!!! Ya that's me! :::check mark:::


3] "Preguntas sobre su historial"
Oh sure...like I could get pregnant! I'm too old for this!!
Okay so they want the history....we've done that already, move on down.
---"Fecha del procedimiento"
That's simple enough. I need to tell them the date of the procedure!! What? You didn't get that from that?

"mes" -month - September. Now wait---hold on, I'm getting the hang of this, I need el numeros instead of month name...let's see.....nine, in Spanish?!! "Nueve"!!! Oh well, crap. I guess I need to fill it in like this "9"!!! Took all the fun out of this chart! Next, is "dia" that's day ---okay. 28. something, something ocho! [ocho=eight! but what twenty is off hand, you got me! I know it starts with a 'v' and ends in 'tay' sound, but :::shrug:::] and then last, is año. That's year. If they expect me to actually KNOW what two thousand is, they're crazier than I thought!! So, I just put in '07.

4] Next Item?
Something something something ambulatoria? ---Did I get there by ambulance maybe? Answer "Si" or "No"
As much as I want to put "Si" just 'cause I like the sea, I best not. Otherwise I would look mui stupido!!!

5] Oh wow, could I have a lot of fun with this one....SEX!! How DO you say sex in Spanish? Ready? Sexo!!! yep, sexo. And all the options are not what I wanted at all. I was so primed to put "Often" but there's only two choices --Masculino and Femenino -- What the hey....MAS....Feminine!

6] Numero Cinco [number 5] on the list was/is:
"origen etnico?"
I can't put anything about Clarence Darrow now, can I? Isn't he the one that did the origins of man/monkey? :::shrug::: I'm not Afroamericano, nor am I Latino. Nope to "Islas del Pacifico" ---but I really would like to say I AM In Hawai'i right now filling this out!! Oh!!!!! Here I am - "Blanco" ---White! Yep, I'm known to be of Caucasico descent.

7] Can you believe this? After all this above, NOW they have INSTRUCCIONES!!! I'm really a rebel, I don't follow instructions well at all. Let's move on down further.....

8] Oh wait. The instrucciones tell me that it's not proper to 'x' the numbers..."Marcas incorrectas"...I'm to give them a circle.

9] You should really see the spell check on my blog window right now! It's having a heyday I tellya!!!

10] Okay, moving on down, I have how I rate the instalaciones -- the hospital/to be more specific about that Agnes, it's really facility in translation. Do I think:
    a) it's mui mal [very shitty],
    b) mal [not so shitty],
    c) regular [you decipher that one],
    d) bien [good]
    e) or mui bien. [very good]


Well, it's not a dump [pun here!] so it has to be either good, or very good. Nothing's perfect in this world, so just "bien"! :::check:::

11] Next is "Procedimiento" And how I want to make a crack about predicament, but that's not right. Okay, procedure I'm assuming. "Bien" :::check::: [besides, the vallium, remember?]

12] "Asuntos Personales" personal matters? PERSONAL matters? How do they expect me to tell them this, with only the limited choices. I have all kinds of personal matters that are just way too personal!!

13] I gave up!! I just made me a rubber stamp and across the survey I stamped in red ink-----"No Comprendé!!!" and in a smaller stamp in blue ink....."No Habla Español"!!!

Stuffed it in the envelope, sealed it with a kiss....and sent it off!!!! Happily!!!! [that's Muy Feliz in Spanish], just in case you're still here, reading.








45 comments :

  1. Good Evening Anni,
    I am LOL so hard I've got tears in my eyes and can't hardly type. LOL. Dadburn you, LOL, your are sumpin'. LOL. You sure do know how to put a smile on someone's face that's for sure. As for the BIEN, well, here is my version: I've BIEN a good girl this year. ROFLMBO. I would have done what you did I think. LOL. This is just too funny. I'm a born and bred Southern girl and I No Comprehendo either. I do know how to count to 5 in Spanish tho. LOL. They never had those Spanish classes while I was going to School. And as far as knowing what they were sayin', well they were probably callin' me everything but a white girl. LOL. Hey, wanna go Siesta? We used to say that as it would sound as You wanna go see Ester? ROFLMBO. I know that ain't right, Lord forgive me and all the Pigamies starvin' in New Guinie. (I'm a big Larry the Cable Guy here). You know Anni, you could go and be on that show called "So, you wanna be a Star" or sumpin' like that. You could have your own Comedy Show. You would be a big hit for sure. So now I know why you mooned us for your WW. Uh huh, I got you figured out now. Yeap, you on that Vallium. LOL. Well, you might as well share with me now. LOL. Well, take care my friend and Thanks for sharing this with us. I so, so, enjoyed this, SI? LOL. May God Bless You and Yours.

    Lots of Love & Hugs,
    Karen H.
    P.S. I bien meanin to ask you, do you mind if I have a copy of your Hootin' Anni's Holiday Award? I keep forgettin' to ask ya. Comprehendo? LOL. Love ya my friend and I hope you know I am just playing around with ya.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anni,

    What a hoot. You are a character and I so love your sense of humor. You and I could have soooo much fun together. I just have to get down to see you in a year or two. LOL

    I don't comprehendo much Spanish either. I do know a few words that I learned in my teens. I won't post them here.

    Karen told me to come over and read your Thursday 13 because it was so halarious. I'm so glad I did. I needed a good laugh tonight.

    Love and blessings,
    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  3. That was a HOOT...... I have been meaning to stop by and read a bit and now I am glad that I did.... I have been talking to Mary and some of the other girls for a while and now I am glad that I wondered over here..... Laughter is good......... and you made me laugh out loud............

    Tal diversión usuario de Blogger ! hahahah

    ReplyDelete
  4. He, he, que risa!! ahora puedo dejar comentarios en español!!

    Truly a hoot! feliz jueves!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hahahaha! I love that, Anni. It's like here...forms, instructions and notices come in about five different languages...English, Samoan, Vietnamese, Arabic and Japanese...take your pick! I just use English...grin.

    Have a great Christmas and hopefully, no more Spanish forms are dropped through your mailbox!

    ReplyDelete
  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love the way you responded to the form that was sent you. That's so funny.

    I visited Corpus Christi about four years ago. I think it's the neatest place. We really enjoyed our visit there.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Karmyn R12/20/2007

    Feliz Navidad.


    And so - it begins. I guess I'd better brush up on my Spanish.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, wow! I cannot stop laughing. I'm up in the Dallas area and really starting to believe that I made a grave error studying German back in school than Spanish...really, what pisses me off the most is making a call and having to press 1 for English. Can I press 1 for "Go to Hell" instead?!

    Great TT - Happy Holidays!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Anni. LOL here tonight,
    Laughter is good for the soul..
    Like Puss in boots, I had the forms to fill out after i had a stay in hospitals, I chose English also its all I know,,

    ReplyDelete
  11. You crack me up!
    Merry Christmas!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm going to have to invite you over the next time I get a batch of mail in Russian! (I came to Israel at the same time as about half a million Russians. Junk mailers often seem to think I must be Russian too. You'd think after nearly 20 years here it would have stopped, but no, I had a Russian speaking computer call me the other day. Darn telemarketers, and I don't even know which company to be mad at because I didn't understand a word!)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ember Case12/20/2007

    How funny!
    Glad the vallium didn't care what language you took it in ;)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Greatfullivin12/20/2007

    LOL...This is hysterical. I am thinking about spell check! What a hoot. You are a better person than me, I would have thrown it away even if it were in english! Have a Happy Christmas!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Good Morning Anni,
    "THANK YOU" for the Holiday Button. I came and got it and ran like a bat of of ....! LOL. I posted about it on my today's post. You beat me up this morning. I don't have to set the alarm to get the girls up for a couple of weeks, so I will be later than usual in posting each day. I have an Award for you also. "THANKS" again dear friend for the button. I love it. Take care my friend and have a great Thursday. May God Bless You and Yours.

    Love & Hugs,
    Karen H.

    ReplyDelete
  16. that is so funny! I grew up in Dallas . There are a lot of spanish there! I can remember when we would go the store and the reciept being written in spanish and my mom getting mad because she did rebates and such! funny.

    My 13 is upWorking at HOme MOm
    Happy Holidays!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi ,
    THanks for visiting me ,come back anytime.
    Karen H. is a sweetheart. Congrats. on the Award she gave you:o)
    Blessins', Lib

    ReplyDelete
  18. I can count to ten in Spanish, say hello, goodbye and good. Um. No comprendo.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anni, could you please send me a year's supply of monitor cleaner so I can read your blog???? I keep spitting coffee on it with your posts. Too dang funny, and you translated fine in my opinion and I took Spanish in school, which yikes I have my 20th reunion coming up for this summer...I know I am just a little whippersnapper to you. Will you be my mom please? I think I begged that before :)
    My T13 is up, not nearly as delightful as this one though.

    ReplyDelete
  20. That was funny. I can't believe they sent you a Spanish only survey! I went to WalMart one day and wanted to buy mayonnaise. The only jars were labeled in Spanish. I went someplace else to buy mayo.
    TM
    PS Thanks for visiting Miller Manor today!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh! LOL You are such a hoot Hootin' Anni! :) Feliz Navidad!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Poor Anni had to dig out her spanish, lol ! I recommend you to buy a sweet romance or a crime story in spanish to fresh it up ! Then you will be able to fill out silly questionaries and habla espanol, hehe !
    I sometimes get such things in dutch !! (because Belgium has two official languages flemish(dutch) and french) and I fake that I just don't understand I live in the french speaking part of Belgium and they have to send me it in french.

    ReplyDelete
  23. BTW I thought you were a WASP and not an ordinary Caucasian descent !

    ReplyDelete
  24. amber star12/20/2007

    umm....I thought maybe you should know this, but where you wrote:

    "and then last, is ano. That's year."

    ummm...well it isn't..it is actually anus. You are funnier than even you thought :) Year has a tilde over the n.

    Amber Star -LOL...ya, I just didn't remember to put the alt code in for the ñ!!!

    Once when we were going to Mexico por avion...they gave us the papers you have to fill out to get into the country and it was in Spanish. I worked with it the best I could, but finally gave up and asked the stewardess for one in English. I thought she was going to swallow her tongue. She hadn't even thought about somebody not knowing Spanish

    ReplyDelete
  25. You are such a hoot! And I love your mooning elf. :) I don't know Spanish much, only a tiny bit. In fact I understand more of what I read than I do what I hear. Anyway, when we moved to Corpus and read the demographics of the area I believe the "Places Rated" book said 85% Hispanic down there.

    All I really know is that living there is the first time in my life I have experienced racism. People didn't like me simply because I was white. Feeling how that made me feel really made me think about the people who constantly are discriminated against. Not a good feeling.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Fwiw, I can sing Old Macdonald had a Farm in Spanish...guess that wouldn't help;)

    ReplyDelete
  27. That is so funny! Happy TT and thank you for visiting!

    Feliz Navidad! lol

    ReplyDelete
  28. Oh, Annie, you ARE a hoot!

    so glad I randomly clicked on your link over at the T13 place!

    Merry Christmas!

    Blessings,
    Karla

    ReplyDelete
  29. LOL this is great! I'm glad I found you.
    Have a happy holiday!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Well my classical Latin I took in high school [mumbles] years ago has done me less good than your Spanish! Thanks for sharing your story in such a humorous fashion.
    Thanks for visiting My Thursday Thirteen #61 13 Christmas Songs I Love/Hate Edition.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Oh my! I would've been so lost! I knew some Spanish way back when. If I got that I would've given it to my hubby and said "HELP!!!!!!!" LOL! He's as white as can be with red hair...you'd never guess he was fluent in Spanish to look at him. LOL! He catches quite a few people off guard with that. He's a trooper...when he pulls people over who speak Spanish (and also English as he soon finds out) they try to play the no speaking English thing...ok, no problem he starts speaking Spanish and that just trips them out. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Well, you made this funny, but in reality the official language in the U.S. just my be Spanish. I'm not seeing too many that come here try to learn English. Every employement opportunity requres Spanish anymore. That's not good. You did a great job making this funny though. Have a great TT. :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. You are to funny!! It is hard enough to fil out this stuff in English let alone in Spanish!

    Since my two grand daughter's in law are Mexican I have picked up a few words here and there....
    they both speak English! But I sometimes have to ask Sofia a couple of times what she said and then I understand!! But she does better then I do if I tried to speak Spanish!
    Kelly had a wonderful Birthday yesterday and we went out last night and went up to KC and looked at the lights at the Country Club Plaza and then on to some of the really nice homes that are just so beautiful!! We didn't get home until 11:30! This is something we do on Kelly's birthday go look at the lights!! Love and Hugs Carolyn

    ReplyDelete
  34. ROFL I love it! You sure did a lot better than I would have! hehe Oh Anni, no wonder they call you Hootin' Anni...you truly are a hoot! lol I'm laughing so much, tears are running down my cheeks. Give me something to read in French or English and I'm ok but anything else...NO COMPRENDO! lol xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  35. Oh, I shouldn't laugh - as I've lived in both Arizona and Florida and in those places I've wondered if I spoke the wrong langauage...

    Lo Siento, no hablo espanol...

    Happy TT-13, Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays!

    Smiles,

    Holly
    htttp://theabundanceplace.com

    ReplyDelete
  36. ProjectMommy12/20/2007

    Knowing some Spanish actually made this even more entertaining! I was laughing out loud! ; D

    ReplyDelete
  37. That was very funny!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Hey Anni,
    Okay now, it's my turn. I just got something in my email and I need you to translate it for me. Here it is:

    Grupo Financiero Banamex le comunica:

    Estimado Cliente Su Cuenta De BancaNet De Banamex No a Podido Cerrarse Con Exito Ya Que Hay Problemas Con Los Servidores y Hay Fallos Con El Sistema Estamos Trabajando Para No Tener Mayores Problemas Con Sus Inicio La Siguiente Vez Que Ingresa a BancaNet De Banamex Por Lo Tanto Le Pedimos De Favor Que Ingrese De Inmediato Esto Le Llevara Solo Un Minuto De Su Tiempo Grupo Banamex Le Ofrece Una Disculpa y Atienda Este Comunicado.

    Numero de Reporte: ID 091283563-0987-4253

    Ingrese Rapidamamente Desde Los Siguientes Links:

    I thought this might give ya sumpin' to do. LOL. I have no idea what it means. Have fun.

    Love ya,
    Karen H.
    P.S. I sure hope it ain't one of them things like you got in the mail. LOL.

    ReplyDelete
  39. OMG, Anni, that is FUNNY! I went round and round with AARP about this same thing - just because the town in Texas that I live in is predominantly Mexican does NOT mean that this honky who took 12 years of French in school can speak Espagnol! I finally had to cancel my membership - in Spanish, no less - to get their freakin' attention.

    You handled it mucho more gracefully!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Anni,I needed a good laugh and thanks for a long long laugh. You poor lady. You did more in trying to read it than I would have. This midwest lady just knows English and some day not that good. Thank you for the award I will post it tonight. Have a very Merry Christmas.

    In Christ's Joy

    ReplyDelete
  41. Sure, a funny post but also most educational!

    I was reminded of my old language lessons but reading this made me also think of what it's like to be non-English speaking here, trying to figure out all the forms etc. (I'm sure they make equally funny observations about us -- they'd have to, or they'd go insane from frustration!)

    Do we get to vote on best Thursday Thirteen? If so, you'd get my vote!

    ReplyDelete
  42. That was a hilarious post :-) You did better than I would have lol

    Happy holidays!

    ReplyDelete
  43. oh this was a funny entry. i have yet to receive a spanish anything in the mail.
    (sorry i am late on visiting).

    ps. i like the way your quill signs your name. :)

    ReplyDelete

.