Self Destruction....

The subject has been on my mind lately. Shocks from Hollywood and the unseen, unexpected deaths of those we loved and entertained us with smiles, tears, and recalling the goodness of their renowned talent.  Before retiring, working with doctors in the medical and psychiatric field, I had experiences with  patients that contemplated suicide.  Oftentimes therapy sessions would be successful [at least for a short period before needing follow-up therapy]...Sadly, other times it wasn't  Our human minds are a trigger sometimes.   A force so powerful!  Thought and actions go hand in hand.  Time and time again, there is 'no hope' for those that want out.   So...  I was compelled to return to my computer, sit down, and write this thought; to 'paint a picture' so to speak...of what contemplating ending it all would have been like.  Not in today's life, but a long time ago...back in the 30s.  I've read in documented papers over and over about the choices made; disillusions if you will.  In ways it was of human self-destruction of two kinds...man made from over farming the land and secondly the tragic outcome of it all.    This fiction may be disturbing to some.  Be forewarned...


IN MY OKLAHOMA HOME...
"Just after sunrise, she unwrapped herself from the grimy bedding as a fine grit danced in the light of day filtering in rays through the glass on the far side of her one room home.  Gazing out the dingy window pane, Franny could see very little difference in the day from what she had seen for weeks now.  On the window sill,  and on the timbered floor, a pyramid of dust had collected overnight while she slept fitfully.  It was imminent. With an unsightly, gray, mass of cloth, she routinely thought of wiping it away only to stop in her daily drill to just sit in her own silence and reverie; despair and misery. With a heavy sigh. as she lifted her head to gaze outdoors again, she searched the sky for any break. Nothing but a gilded, encompassment of swirling powder.

The land, parched. The heat of the Summer morning, forthcoming. In her mind, a loud scream was heard. A continual scream of anguish. Was what she noted in her painful, weary, detachment, a silent scream or was it real? She never knew.

The wind howled. The flakes and flecks of the Oklahoma land battered against her prairie shack in a shocking torrent.  For her, it was deafening at times. Franny choked on the particles as they  filtrated through the exterior walls and doorway. Another scream! But this time she... after her temporary black out, she gained awareness that the soiled rag on the floor by the window was left behind and she found herself beside the only fine piece of furniture indoors. Her grandmother's hutch.

Above the intricate carving, raised from the chiseled compartments, Franny reached atop; pushing her soiled, dirt encrusted, hands through the webs that have collected over the days, to grab her small revolver always loaded for uninvited intruders. For protection.

With the pistol in hand, she wiped her forehead of the sweat beads, that have accumulated mysteriously, onto her tattered smock and returned to her corner by the window. One lone teardrop trickled down her hollow cheek as she put the barrel to her temple.  Surprisingly, the cold steel cylinder felt comforting..."


THE DUST BOWL of 1930s
photo courtesy of Google Images


In My Oklahoma Home
written by Anni
© August 2014
all rights reserved

...Read more about the Dust Bowl

42 comments :

  1. Replies
    1. ...I appreciate your comment Jacqueline

      Delete
  2. Powerful stuff Anni. Picture and words.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...thank you Phil...I was debating with my inner-self whether to post this or not.

      Delete
  3. I have read about the Dust Bowl and cannot imagine how anyone ever lived through it. But some did, somehow. Very poignant story, well told. Scary.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Scary, agreed. But in so many ways I think I can understand it all...who knows what I would have done back then.

      Delete
  4. A sad story but so well written Anni. It captured the complete despair of desperate times.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...I find it, in a way, very understandable.

      Delete
  5. Wow, powerful and sad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...it was a SAD time, I'm sure.

      Delete
  6. I imagine this really describes the bleakness that overcomes someone in a situation from which they have no hope left. You have been able to convey the feeling of wretchedness well. Wow.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well written Anni! I confess I do not understand depression at the level one wants to end it all. I have felt down on occasion, but always feel tomorrow will be a better day. I have a nephew who is so depressed he has tried to end it all on more than one occassion. It's frustrating to see him spiral downward and not be able to stop it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...for me, it's out of the question...but I can understand the thoughts....yet, it's scary to even think that far in my life, personally. I'm with you...'tomorrow is better'....

      Delete
  8. Very sad but interesting as my mama and her family came to this county from Oklahoma. They lived in a tent on the Atascosa river until the men found work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...in a way, at least the farming aspect of the dust bowl, is we all learned a lesson of over-farming and what it can do to/for the human population.

      Delete
  9. Now two have died, always seems that there are always three in a row. so I am waiting...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...now that's a gloomy thought.

      Delete
  10. Great job. Very compelling and sadly, all too true for some people.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I have heard how so many committed suicide in the 30s, after the crash, too. Human despair can be so overwhelming. You painted a powerful picture, Anni.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...yes, the Crash of 29....You made a great observation Terri.

      Delete
  12. You are such a good writer. I was pulled right into this story of sadness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...why, thank you kindly Mari. That touches my heart.

      Delete
  13. Very poignant story and so well-written, Anni. I have to say that I can't imagine the level of despair that leads one to take their own lives and I pray I never do know. My daughter's friend ended her life recently. She had been suffering from deep depression for years and was on medication. She was young, beautiful, had a loving husband and 2 children and a nice home. She looked happy on the outside. You just never know.

    ReplyDelete
  14. That is very powerfully written, Anni.

    ReplyDelete
  15. When people stare into a place that dark they need help, not criticism - this is something that some people seem not to grasp.

    Interesting (and very well written post)

    Cheers - Stewart M - Melbourne

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...not criticism...you're a kind, thoughtful, gentleman Stewart!!

      Delete
  16. I could almost feel her pain through your words. A powerful story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...it must've been soooooo painful and a desperate situation back then.

      Delete
  17. Oh, Anni- what an interesting coincidence! That you should write an excerpt from a book about the Dust Bowl, a piece of fiction that reflects actual acts during this time in our history, is so amazing! I just posted the review I wrote of the book The Worst Hard Times by Egan, onto my sidebar. It was a sad and truly difficult era, and was so interesting to read about. For people to go through despair caused by any circumstance is so sad, especially if they chose to end their life, as Robin Williams did. Just tragic.

    Thanks for helping me out with the copyright signature for my photos! I have a few I just would not be happy to see copied and spread around with no regard for my wonderful photographic talents (NOT!)--just a few, anyway. The rest are as average as they come. I really appreciated it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...you're more than welcome Marie.

      Delete
  18. Powerful story, Anni. I could truly feel her pain. That is what makes a good writer. You brought us totally into the story...

    Suicide is hard to understand. Since Robin Williams' death, I've read all kinds of emotionally feelings by people --some who have personally gone through the death of a loved one and some who just truly don't understand what a horrible sickness it is,...

    People on Twitter were so cruel in the words that they said that Robin's daughter had to totally get off of Twitter... Sad that we have come to that...

    Have a great week.
    Hugs,
    Betsy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what I've heard....Twitter and Facebook members can be cruel in their words....that's why I don't like using it. I'd rather stick with blogging.

      Delete
  19. Depression and perceived failure is such a powerful thing. I am on anti-depressants, and when I've tried to go off of them, had terrible episodes. I find, when I am like this, I have to avoid certain people and situations.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jennifer....I find that your blog posts through Google + are now all privately published. Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  20. Your writing is very moving. I was in the moment with Franny. As a depression sufferer myself I understand this situation all too well. I thank my God and my meds for keeping my head above water.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ....It can be a difficult journey, that I know from those I've worked with in the drs. offices. I pray you will remain as you are!!

      Delete
  21. Such a sad story but beautifully written, Anni.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...sad indeed. I've been feeling a lot of emotions lately. Thankfully, just being sad for those that suffer through this.

      Delete

.