“A wise old owl lived in an oak;
The more he saw the less he spoke;
The less he spoke the more he heard...
Why can't we all be like that bird?”
― Edward Hersey Richards




my POETRY | ANNI'S BOOK CRITIQUES | my ART | my BIRD photography | MLB | NFL | hurricanes






I'm a bit crabby today...can't help myself---





...but then, when the sun flashes its brilliant shine, my crabbiness is gone in a 'flash'......









CONNECTING TO:

Camera Critters



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WEEKEND FUNNIES

...speaking of crabby:



We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John.

Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the ***** (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their teen years. Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"?

Yeah right. Bite me.




[cartoon expectant momma from clipart search]
Womanhood text found online with a 'crabby' joke search





49 comments :

  1. You make me smile.

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    Replies
    1. you, my dear, always make me smile each and every time you stop by and share your wisdom.

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  2. What a hoot you are today, Anni! You have certainly nailed womanhood right on the head! And anyone who dares to call us the weaker sex in MY hearing, usually gets a mouthful of something they would rather not hear!

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    1. We are women...hear us roar!! *wink*

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  3. I laughed, I nodded my head in agreement and then I glanced across the room at my husband and I laughed all over again :)

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    1. Oh you sweet thing you.....your comment made ME nod in agreement and then rofl at 'glancing across the room and laughing all over again'.......what a hoot.

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  4. You know all those people convinced that God is a woman? Have to admit that I tend towards the opinion that if that were the case, why would God make it so that woman had so many biological burdens to bear?! ;(

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    1. Your thoughts...are my thoughts exactly!!!

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  5. Did you write this wonderful piece? It's PERFECT. And everything in it is more than true, it's the universal cry of woman! I laughed and nodded in recognitions through the whole thing! :-)

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    1. No....as I stated at the end of the post, I found it doing a 'crabby' search in Google. I'm not that talented at all. Still, I'm woman, hear me roar.

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  6. Love your post....very funny and great for flash.

    http://doggydog22.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thanks Pearl....glad you stopped by and enjoyed my post today.

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  7. Love this, love especially about peeing on socks.

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    1. ...of course you would. [KIDDING]

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  8. What a pretty crab in the first picture is it spotted? My sil is a food scientist specializing in the packaging and handling of crab. We are crabby a lot.

    Love your use of flash and your funnies.

    Hugs from hot NC 105 to 108 real temp today
    C

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    1. Yes, it is spotted. One species I've not seen 'til now. The ghost crab is my favorite. LOL

      Stay cool you two!!! [it actually rained here....heavens to mergatroid]

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  9. a brilliant rant! hoot hoot!!
    :)

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    Replies
    1. LOL....glad you enjoyed it.

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  10. You made me laugh which is always a plus. This post worked so well with the two consecutive themes being hot last week and flash this week.

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    Replies
    1. Laughter is always good in my opinion.

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  11. That was funny and we women have a right to be crabby - don't we? sandie

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    Replies
    1. Yes we do....if you come back because of my reply....scroll up and read Ann's comment.

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  12. love your crabbiness. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL....nice way of putting it. LOL

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  13. Love your post. ;)

    check out mine:
    mariposatells.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...that makes me very happy reading your positive note.

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  14. Thanks for the Great Laugh Anni - your crabbiness not your crabs. I know you don't really mean it!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. LOL...as long as I can have a margarita soon, I will feel much better. *wink*

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  15. Ah Anni, it´s always so stressful to translate .... and always worth it:-)
    Crabby is now my wonderful new vocabulary!

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    Replies
    1. Glad you took the time to translate my message. LOL

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  16. Hi Hootin Anni!
    We love your name when we saw a comment on our blog and just had to come by and say hello. Well, we love your blog even MORE. You are a HOOT, Hootin Anni! Thanks for making us (well I mean my girl) giggle today.
    xoxo,
    Katie (the Cat) & Glogirly (the Perimenopausal Girl)

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    Replies
    1. ...well now, you're on your way then....just wait. LOLOLOL

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  17. Cute crabby shots! And I have to agree your are a HOOT.
    Have a great weekend!

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    Replies
    1. I try to hold up to my nickname. At least sometimes. LOL Thanks for stopping by Eileen.

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  18. Love those crabs Anni, and your sky shot is gorgeous. Your post pretty much sums up womanhood, and I have peed on my feet more times than I like to admit!

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    1. Karen...let you in on a little secret....I have too. *wink*

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  19. Love the crabs shadows, but that last shot took my breath away! Stunning!

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    1. Glad you could stop by this week...it's always a pleasure having you visit with me.

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  20. great segue from flash to hot flash. LOL

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  21. Beautiful photos of the crabs. Have a great weekend.

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    1. Enjoy your weekend too Eden.

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  22. As we say in the south ~ You are a hoot Anni!
    I hope you have a 'Zany' week~
    Sandi

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    1. Thanks....I think I know of a zany critter I can post.

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  23. The crabs makes me miss my hometown in the Philippines. Love the last shot.

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  24. Great way to get my Monday off with a laugh (yes, I'm behind on my blog reading). Have a great week!

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    1. So am I...it's the summer heat that's making me miss my appointed rounds of visiting.

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  25. My 2nd was 10 1/2 lbs.! I am woman hear me roar!
    And I CAN pee in the woods without soaking my socks.
    Actually, I don't wear socks much!

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