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THURSDAY THUNKS:


First off, I've had so many leave comments for the "Thunks" about how 'weird' the questions are each week. Well, folks, I think they are supposed to be just that. This is one of the most fun memes for the week, and I really look forward to challenging my gray matter. The idea is to make you THINK! The questions are meant to be...to make THUNKS! Now, on with the show.....


1. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses,
And all the king's men,
Couldn't put Humpty together again.


Why was Humpty Dumpty sitting on that wall? So some poor sap employee could be his royal speech writer and the dude came up with this rhyme instead. Making H. D. famous!! After all, if he was sitting on his throne instead, there would just be one ordinary egg doing his morning routine!! That'd not make for good rhyming...rhyming poopin' with king's horses isn't good protocol. But in theory, Humpty Dumpty was part of Shakespeare's Richard III and "Wall" was his horse's name.



2. If Mother Goose and Father Time had kids, what would they look like and what would they be named? They'd be little feathers floating with time...[like Forest Gump's feather. ---You didn't KNOW that that was one of M. Goose's and F. Time's offspring, did you now...well, now you do!] And that little feather was named: Cooked Goose Time XII. Oh, and on a little piece of gossip here ---Father Time has been known to ruffle a feather here [even overseas!] and there. One of his chilluns and other generations thereafter, for instance, is Duck Allah Orange --and each generation would be Duck II, Duck III, Duck IV...etc. etc. etc.

3. Does Barbie have kankles? I always thought it was spelled with a 'c' because it's part of the calf of the person's leg...instead of a 'k'...but neither here nor there...my final answer? No, she has shapely legs. If she did have cankles, she could still be a beauty queen by wearing some knee high patent leather boots [either white or black - depending on her outfit], and they would cover her cankles. No problem.

4. Have you ever been featured in a magazine? Pffft!!! No. But, if I were, it'd be D A M magazine probably. [That's Mothers Against Dyslexia]

5. Did your parents keep a baby book for you? If so, how often have you looked through it? Not a baby book per sé --just a photo album. I rarely go through it at all. The kids do tho.

6. If someone dropped off a case of candy bars at your front door, what kind of candy bar would you want? (Berleen's question from Insanity Cafe.) Hershey's Heath Bar....Only 70% saturated fat in each bite...and there are 40 bites per serving, right?

7. Rub-a-dub-dub,
Three men in a tub,
And how do you think they got there?
The butcher, the baker,
The candlestick-maker,
They all jumped out of a rotten potato,
'Twas enough to make a man stare.

What happened to the rotten potato? Further more, if they jumped out of a rotten potato, do you think they stink? Oh we're back to mother goose and father time here again.....father time made the potato rot to keep it from talking, and mother goose put the metal to the grinder and chopped it up and swish....down the drain it went!! And then....the candlestick maker stuck his stick down the disposal...jammed it....the water kept running and it filled the area...the tub was actually a remnants of that foozie duck carcass that Mr. Time was foolin' 'round with---well, to make this not turn into some frightening tale that would be seen in the crime section of the book store---the men stank!! Stunk...stinked!!



Thursday 13 Halloween Humor [rated PG 13?].....

1] A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"

2] Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

3] Q: Why don't witches wear panties?
A: They get a better grip on their brooms.

4] Today's Halloween Specials:
Ghoulash, scream beans, scalped potatoes, and Mummy's tomb-made booberry pie with I scream.

5] One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as 'Rocky' in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more. "Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep a few minutes ago?" I asked. "Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back three more times tonight too."

6] What goes "Ha-ha-ha . . . THUD!"
A monster laughing his head off

7] Three vampires walk into a bar. The waitress comes up to them and asks them what they'll have. The first vampire says, (Transylvanian accent inferred) "I'll have a glass of O Positive." The second vampire says, "I'll have a glass of AB Negative." The third vampire says, "I'm the designated driver. I'll just have a glass of plasma." The waitress turns toward the bartender and yells, "Gimme two bloods and one blood lite!"

8] Two nuns are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and scratches at the windshield! "Quick, quick!!" shouts the first nun "What shall I do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on, that will get rid of the abomination." shouts the second. The first nun switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and hisses even more loudly! "What shall I do now?" shouts the first nun. "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican!" says the second. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and hisses again at the nuns. "Now what?" screams the first nun. "Show him your cross!" says the second. So the nun rolls down the window and shouts: "GET OFF MY DARN HOOD, YOU LITTLE CREEP!!"

9] An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on?" The drunk, still staring down, replied: "I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."




10] *see #13* All I can add to this is, Johnny Appleseed would be so proud!!!






11] Jack O' Lantern:
An Irish pumpkin.

12] Skeleton:
Any super model.

13] Bobbing Apples:
What happens when you leave your bra off while running.








POSTED: Thursday, October 15th, 2009
6:36 A.M.










42 comments :

  1. OMG...so funny! Thanks for the Halloween humor :)

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  2. oh my stomac howling

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  3. Yeah....you're right...it is canckles.

    Anni- you really get into this Halloween stuff :)
    Can't wait till April Fools Day :)

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  4. Harriet April Fool's Day? Oh, I'm usually quite serious for that day...it's my daughter's birthday. Besides, Halloween, for me is right up there for #1 in decorating. Tied with Christmastime.

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  5. It's clear you love Halloween and are looking forward to it. NO!!! you 've been celebrating for a long while.
    I must say my six-year old loves your blog for all the ideas he gets to make (more) Halloween pics!!! oH my!

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  6. ROFL, great Halloween jokes!!

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  7. Loved the jokes! Those were fun.

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  8. hahaha like your answer on #2 heheh hmm i havent seen that Hershey's Health Bar.. lemme check that :)

    thanks for viewing mine!

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  9. LOL ... thanks for the Halloween funnies! Love all your holiday graphics and spirit too ;--)
    Hugs and blessings,

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  10. lovely halloween jokes. that first one, tut tut tut.....

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  11. Ha! I love # 1 & 3, very funny! What a great list of jokes!

    Thanks for commenting on my post here!

    Much appreciated!

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  12. Good Morning Anni... Great answers to the nursery rhymes and even better Halloween Humor! Loved it all... Have a spooktacular day!

    (((HUGS)))
    Donna

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  13. That father time...he's such a ho.
    #7 could be an episode of CSI. lol

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  14. I hooted and snorted over the witches without panties!

    Your imagination sure does have flights of fancy. I love the crooked way it works :)

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  15. testing this -- someone told me they see 'word verification' as they try to post a comment....I've NEVER had this enabled, and it's puzzling me now.

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  16. Hahaha ! n° 7 is especially nice !

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  17. This made my day!!!! I laughed outloud-my daughters are looking at me funny! Thanks for the freebee too! Love your blog and how festive it is!!!

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  18. Coffee just spurt from my mouth. I won't tell at which thunk that happened ;-). You are a treasure, Anni.

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  19. #9 is gross, but funny!! #1 is rough!! Great list!

    Happy TT!

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  20. Great jokes & I hadn't heard most of them before (which was nice) Halloween is my favorite holiday, I like it even better than Christmas to tell the truth! My 19 year old (who's hanging over my shoulder this afternoon & I liked the bare butt witches & the gravestone jokes best!

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  21. wahahahah no. 1 was so funny. I love nos. 2, 8 and 9 too. No. 12 bull's eye! Very entertaining T13. Thanks.

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  22. Hahaha, love the chocolate bar answer :o)
    Happy Thursday!

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  23. At least you knew what c(k)ankles LOL. I love the kids name. Your jokes were just priceless. Thanks for sharing

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  24. Love the Halloween party one!

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  25. I liked the Rocky joke the best! Very clever.

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  26. Love the Halloween jokes! Have a great weekend!

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  27. Anni,

    Loved your Halloween humor. Had a good laugh. It was a rough afternoon so the humor was very much appreciated.

    Hope you and Bud are having a great day. I just sent you an email.

    Blessings,
    Mary

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  28. Thanks for the laughs. The jokes were a great way to start my day.

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  29. *gigglesnort* #8 always slays me.

    :D

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  30. Oh Anni, you can always be counted on for a laugh!

    Calico Contemplations

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  31. Anni - wherever do you find all these jokes? They always crack me up. My kind of humor - and yes, Johnny Appleseed would be proud ;0)

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  32. Haha..! Great post...I enjoyed reading it...
    Oh..I always wonder about "Rock a Bye Baby"

    Rock-a-by baby
    On the tree top,
    When the wind blows
    The cradle will rock.
    When the bough breaks,
    The cradle will fall,
    Down tumbles baby,
    Cradle and all

    Isn't it 'scary' to sing this to a baby...telling the baby the cradle will fall..how do we 'expect' the baby to sleep in peace..? (Just a thought)

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  33. giggle
    o, you thought i forgot...no...it is up anytime ou want to see. thanks for the laugh....check out the day before...you will like it

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  34. "I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost"...omigosh, I'm just roaring with laughter here! LOL Loved all of your Thursday 13 Halloween humour! hehe

    I still say the Thursday Thunks would make my brain hurt! lol I'm always in awe of your imagination:-) Now I'll never look at a feather the same way again. hehe xoxo

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  35. You crack me up, love you.

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  36. The first Hallloween joke was funny, but it was your forth Thursday Thunk about the magazine which had me snort pop outta my nose!

    PS Thanks for the nice comment about my blog's theme/design; I wish I could take credit for it, but NOT! lol

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  37. Thanks for the nice comments about my TT -- the History Is Ephemeral carnival is posted once a month. Usually at the end of the month, but I had nearly double the usual posts, so I saved it for a TT (I can cheat like that, right? If I put plenty of Heath Bars in your plastic pumpkin, maybe...?)

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  38. I love jokes!! Loved #1 the most!! Keep 'em coming! =)

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