my POETRY | ANNI'S BOOK CRITIQUES | my ART | my BIRD photography | MLB | NFL | hurricanes



Got a good reason For taking the easy way out
Black and White Background courtesy of free backgrounds




Sorry fellas...the joke's on you...


[click HERE to join]


CAMERA CRITTERS



....it's BATH time!!










- - -<><><>- - -

WEEKEND FUNNIES [bath time]


RATED PG -17

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely……

A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k ?"


- - -

A man travelling by plane and in urgent need to use the men's room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the men's' room door, it was "OCCUPIED".
The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the Ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside. The Buttons were marked "WW, WA, PP, and ATR".
Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway. He carefully pressed the first button marked "WW" and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, "WOW, the women really have it made!" Still curious he pressed the button marked "WA" and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world! The Button marked "PP" yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. Well, naturally he couldn't resist the last button marked "ATR".
When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse. When she appeared, he cried out, "What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!"
The nurse replied, "Yes you were having a great time until you pressed the "ATR" button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow!"


- - -

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a 'man', Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

12 comments :

  1. LOL this whole post cracks me up LOL

    ReplyDelete
  2. What a fun place to have a bath! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cute bath time shots. And of course I love the funnies. I look forward to your weekend funnies, Anni!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Cannot....comment...lauging....too....hard....!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Great humour!! Boom & Gary of the Vermilon River, Canada.

    ReplyDelete
  6. O lovely - I especially like he first - can't believe I've not heard that one before.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Annie you tickled my funny bone!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Too funny! Love the critter!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Now, that is what I call beauty!

    Please come and see my critter post. Have a great weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Long time - no see! Great jokes hon!
    Hope you're doing well!
    hugs
    lisa

    ReplyDelete

.