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Got a good reason For taking the easy way out
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From my other blog about being at home 24/7 with a retired hubby...here comes some retaliation to my not so kind words. Well, it was not so kind maybe, kinda, sorta. But in most part, it was true to some. Yet, of course, for me and hubby not true. *crossing my fingers and hoping not to be struck by lightning*

In all honesty, he's damn good. Not a perfect man, but none the less, a man of dignity and I find myself adding, such a courageous man to live with me for so many years [going on 39 this May] and still I see love in his eyes when he looks at me. It was once pointed out to me that beauty is in the eye of a beer-holder! I confess, he does drink beer once in a while, not like he [or even we for that matter] used to do. Not any longer. We're not tea-totalers by any means, but we do partake in an icy Tequiza every once in a while.

Now, the fact that he continues to be in love with me, unconditionally, I must admit can melt my heart to makin' him a meal fit for a king. Afterall, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Or so it's said.

As I mentioned before, retiring is a turning point in one's life and it takes some new routines and scheduling to co-exist without taking the metal to the pedal and drivin' over a cliff, and perhaps if one's lucky, collect insurance to cruise and travel year 'round. [*just kidding, of course*]

And tho, in my woman's perspective, I noted the ten items as boundaries. This, from hubby's view, is more or less a combination of boundaries and quandaries. Some of which he never realized before!

In 'retaliation' I must jot down 10 of a man's point of view....

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We'll start at the beginning. Numero Uno. That's quite clever don't you think? Starting with 'number one'? Maybe this is quite the beginning...or maybe the end, who knows. But I'm game. Here goes....

ONE? "Just how many feet DO you have?" I say: "What?" "What kinda statement is that? This is a question, dear! Come on you can come up with something better for your number one, can't you?" And he shrugs. "That's my first one. This is what I ask, so tell me....just how many feet do you have?" I'm sitting at the keyboard, wondering just where this'll take us, so as I type out his first statement, I'm committed to answer, I guess. So, I mumble the word, oh so quietly, waiting. "Two".

"So", he says quickly, "Why then do you need some 60 odd pairs of shoes, take them off when you get home, and no matter where you take them off, that is where they remain until you clean up the house, or search for them 'cause they're the ones you need with your outfit for the day?" Silence from me. Only the sound of the fingers hittin' the keys as I type. Now I see where this is going. But, oh....the man's not done yet! *Ahem*....There's more? Yep. He continues: "And most times, if you have your way, you're barefooted! It amazes me, that a woman, who surely would've gotten married barefooted if it were protocol, always stops and shops at the drop of a hat...at all shoe store sales and comes home to add to her collection...only to wear them a couple of times and decides that being without shoes [OR socks I might add] is better...." He shakes his head and I end the typing. Only to know once again, this is just the beginning------

TWO? Now, you know that red metal box on wheels in the garage, the one that is under my work bench, and has several drawers? That, my dear, is off limits to hands that don't know tools from shinola! And if and when you are allowed in my drawers----*I snort*----there IS a place for each and every tool. Not to be just thrown back in any ol' drawer or compartment. Screwdrivers have their own drawer, hammers here, wood files there....and so on and so forth! It's best you just ask....and then you'll be given. When done with the Philip's Head....give it back to me. I'll put it away. One more thing here....the leather straps and chains hanging on the pegboard atop the workbench.....they're not for use in the master bedroom....when I mentioned master, I meant that I am the master of my tools [*I'm secretly smiling now* and won't go there]. I'm kinky....but not in that way....it's my arthritis ya know when I mention stiffness!!

THREE? Don't interupt me by asking such a foolish question, when I'm in the middle of a crucial game. It's not that I'm ignoring you.....I just don't hear you! Your "what would you like for dinner tonight" can wait a few minutes 'til commercial time.

FOUR? Hey, speakin' of socks---mine are NOT ready for laundry 'til they can walk out to the washer on their own!!! We're on a limited income now, and unnecessary washing is a waste of the government's money. They need it more than we do. For toilets and such. So waste not, want not. When my white socks are grey and mucky, and can saunter out on their own power....it's laundry day.

FIVE? The lawn doesn't need tending to until the neighbor's dog dumps one too many times in my way of walkin' around the yard! You see, if I can continue to dodge the turds, zig-zaggin through the lush green without steppin' or trippin' over dog doo doo, it's just fine. Until then, the mower stays in its place; in the garage. And, as with experiences prior, if YOU can't start the mower, don't even ask me to pull it out for you-- 'til I'm ready. If I begin to trip over stuff or find that the last month's newspaper deliveries are hidden underneath the growth, it's time. The Jones's will think we're too ambitious if I mow too often, and ask us for help of some kind or other. There IS a method to my madness, believe you me!!! I know what I'm doin'!!

SIX? Fartin' and belchin' is a man thing. Considered a pleasurable passtime. In some cultures it's a courtesy to show contentment with one soulmate with these bodily functions. AND, I might add---At least mine are audible, and it doesn't creep up on you so unexpectedly and .....let's just say MINE will not gag a maggot....but------


SEVEN? I know how you are when you get behind the wheel! "Watch out for that sucker, he's gonna cut you off on exit 40"!! "Okay, so now we're lost!" "You want me to take over drivin'?" "Dear, you're doin' 65 in a 30 MPH zone....slow down." "I'm older than you, and more experienced in drivin'" "Wait! Slow down". "You just missed our exit to get home." "Where we going now?" "Guess we'll spend the night in San Antonio if we're lucky, huh"? They say road rage is becoming more common....but yet, YOU are the one who gets upset....slow down, life is too short and I wanna watch the Super Bowl.

EIGHT? When the air conditioner or furnace or car or dishwasher or toilet breaks down....you call the fixer-uper. You're better on the phone than I am. That's what I married you for!!! You smart little woman, you.

NINE? The kids are gone, it's just you and me babe!!! Can we take a little break from this nonsense and fool 'round? So maybe it's not always from arthritis afterall, the inflection points on the male form define a man's combinational structure ya know!!

TEN? How 'bout we share with the cat care? I feed 'em --- you clean up after them. Sound good? Does to me!!!!

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I'm now to the point in my day that writing Dear Abby seems like a good idea!!! Wonder what she would say to all this?

7 comments :

  1. Well, from the single gal point of view, I think you still have it pretty good. ;)

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  2. I enjoyed both of these posts about retirement. You've got a great sense of humor!

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  3. Some of these are applicable to my marriage too! LOL...I love these, Anni!

    So nice to know that after so many wonderful years of marriage, you two can still choose to disagree and be happy while doing it!

    Hugz to you, dear lady!

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  4. Hi Anni ~~ Good post and good news that you and your retired hubby are
    so happy together, after all those years. Congratulations to you both.

    Thanks for your visit.I was interested to learn there were Safeway supermarkets in your part of the States. It was a great gesture to give back to the farmers all the profit from yesterday tothe many needy farmers, due to the drought and fires. Take care, Love,
    Merle.

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  5. Dear Lady, you are every bit as funny as Erma Bombeck! You make me giggle out loud and as Martha would say, "That's a good thing!"

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  6. Am I really married or am I only imaginating...? *lol*

    My most wonderful man in the world have the most wonderful woman in the world, so we don't know what you're talking about.... *lol*

    Sounds a bit fishy to us ;-)

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  7. ROFLMBO! Well. I'm not sure if I should SHARE these with Dennis... or throw it away! LOL! Tell Bud that was a real... eye opener!

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